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Some Random Entries from The Parsons Dictionary of Often Used Words and Phrases

August 6, 2009

Big Empty, The, n: SEE MIDWEST.

Ism, n: any political or religious ideology that, once adopted, compels people to thoughtlessly and needlessly sacrifice life, limb, and property – or to throw good money after bad in support of it; also, adj: any political or religious ideology that, once adopted, compels people to, after deep consideration, needlessly sacrifice OTHER people’s lives, liberties, and properties, or throw good public money after bad. (SOME EXAMPLES & USES: Capitalism, Sentimentalism, Protestantism, Catholicism, Racism, Anti-Semitism, Nationalism, Patriotism, Fascism, Imperialism, Socialism, Communism, Zoarasterism, Nepotism, Romanticism, Existentialism, Objectivism.)

Istic, adj: describes any person whose mind has been overrun by one or more Isms. (EXAMPLE & USES: “Pat Robertson  is an istic rube.”)

Midwest, n : geographic area of the United States that was once known for it’s farms and close-knit small towns. This area is not costal, is not bordering Canada or Mexico, and was not on the losing side of the Civil War. Also called The Big Empty (see entry), because good people, good thoughts, and good jobs tend to disappear and are never heard from again.

Objectivity, n: total and complete bunk. A derivative of an Ism that suggests life can be completely and empirically described, annotated, categorized, and organized – so that it can then totally disregarded and dismissed as a priori. Also a lousy rhetorical strategy. (ALTERNATE FORMS: objective[adj], objectivism [n])


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